Please accept my resume for consideration to be a Program Director for the Broadway Center for the Performing Arts. The stage has always been a part of my life. My mother was an actress and my father staged musical numbers when he wasn’t homebrewing. That I ended up a on the production side of theater instead of an actor or musician was only due to my lack of talent in either. Still the theater has been an important part of my life for 20 years now and I do not see that changing.
I’m also a craft beer enthusiast.
I would love to come in and show you my portfolio of theater production experiences. It is a smorgasbord of productions on cruise ships casinos and dinner theater.
I know what managing a production to success entails. To prove my theater skills, I present a playwright’s perspective of your Brew Five Three: Tacoma’s Beer & Blues Festival you staged Saturday, Aug. 13 in front of your offices on Broadway. Here’s how I would have told the Brew Five Three story. …
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE ONE
The 7 Seas Brewing staff joked around the whole day. Good for establishing character but seven hours is way too much exposition. Next time we have to start further along in the story. Plus, their jokes were just too generic. That old “That’s what she said!” is so clichéd. What they need is some kind of cute quirkiness that lets us know their backstory right away. Couldn’t Lauren have some kind of nervous tic? It would be great if she would stare out the booth wistfully or react with dread to the word “Pilsner.” Note: 7 Seas’ Cascadian Dark Ale delivered layers of hop character nicely balanced by a hint of roast and a smooth lingering finish. Bravo.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE TWO
Coming off the 7 Seas hijinks, I’d take the next scene straight to the drama when Pacific Brewing & Malting Co. in downtown Tacoma signed the Declaration of Jointness with American Brewing Co. in Edmonds. Here the fiery Andy Kenser — sales and marketing fella for both craft beer companies, aided by his bosses Steve Navarro and Brent Hall — tells how American Brewing rebranded to be “Top Gun meets the American Revolution” with intelligence, integrity and musical numbers. And while Kenser could use a touch more gravitas, ultimately he’s very entertaining — and moving — as the storyteller. Note: Generously hopped with all Liberty hops the American Brewing Independence Pilsners was light in body but full in flavor. Bravo.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE THREE
Tacoma Brewing Company’s Brew Five Three booth provided the hook we need to grab our attention and make us want to know more. Who are these people? Where are they going? What do they hope to get out of an IPA made with birdseed? As usual, founder Morgan Alexander provided the kind of detail we need to ground the whole scene with some gritty realism. He told tale of his long journey to move his brewery to a larger space in Tacoma. The frustrations with permitting. The joy of keg fermenting. As I sipped his amazing Aristotle IPA infused with coffee I could see a great close-up of his brother, Tristan, staring off into the crowd. Good foreshadowing — signals the beginning of an interesting subplot.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE FOUR
Scene Four is obvious. The life-affirming story of Tristan Canty, a Powerhouse Restaurant & Brewery brewer whose love, pride and faith for his Strawberry Shake IPA helped him face the slow infusion of his Randall filled with fresh strawberries. “If I was a rich man …” he said as he poured the delicious strawberry shake with hops from the rooftop of a replica of his Puyallup brewery. I see the musical Brewer on the Roof being spun off from Brew Five Three 2016, maybe starring Channing Tatum.
BREW FIVE THREE, INTERMISSION ONE
This is where I would be my first montage of crowd scenes.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE FIVE
Big problem — we’re at Scene Five and still no screaming. I was sure we had one when the one guy saw the life-size, cardboard replica of Michael Phelps. He made more of a shrill. Then the Wet Coast Brewing guys began shouting “First Beer!” every time someone walked up with a clean, glass pint. Hilarious. Maybe if someone freaked out and had to make a trip to the hospital it would have sparked all sorts of conflicts, and maybe even revealed some long-hidden family secrets. Of course, a drinker in a coma might be over the top for a craft beer festival full of Washington state breweries. I fully expected someone to shout back “amazing!” after they tasted Wet Coast’s Single Hop Series Azacca IPA.
BREW FIVE THREE, INTERMISSION TWO
Show a montage of people dropping their pints and the crowd cheering over the broken glass.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE SIX
Can’t figure out whose story we are telling. Is it Narrows Brewing Company or mine? I thought it was mine, but then after Narrows’ taproom manager Mary Asami delivered a near perfect tagline: “To us and our good fortune! Be happy, be healthy, long life.” I can already see it on the poster. She also delivered the first plot point involving me when she poured me a Narrows’ Quillback Belgian Dubbel Brown Ale and I immediately had another of the delicious combination of dark malts, sweet, fruity depth and spicy yeast.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE SEVEN
The story really begins to take shape when Keith from Mac & Jack’s pours the brewery’s new Experimental Northwest Pale Ale. He really knows how to raise the stakes! Full of flavor and aroma, the pale ale stole the brewery’s African Amber spotlight. That definitely goes in the trailer!
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE EIGHT
There’s still the problem of the breweries’ subplots. One brewery rep snorted — a great visual but it didn’t really advance the action. Another brewery rep offered a generous, which I thought might turn out to be wonderful recurring image, kind of a poignant echo of the main theme. But then Garrett from Georgetown Brewing poured me a L.A. Woman Crystal Kolsch and I though, “Am I a lucky dude in the Destiny City of light? Or just another lost angel, Destiny City of night? Destiny City of night, Destiny City of night, Destiny City of night, woo, c’mon! When Garret told me the tasty beer is named after Georgetown employee Crystal who loves light beer and the L.A. Dodgers I felt so alone, so alone.
BREW FIVE THREE, INTERMISSION THREE
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE NINE
What I really needed was a little more drama, like storming past the woman who prevented me from taking elevated shot from the second floor of the Theatre on the Square. If up there maybe I could have foreseen potential glass pint droppage. Or stopped that one guy from overshooting the cornhole board and hitting that woman in the butt with the beanbag. No such luck. All I could come up with was lovely Valley Pub bartender Brittany stepping in to pour at Seattle Cider Company’s booth. Tried to stump her by asking what apples were used in making the delicious Basil Mint Cider. She threw back Smith, Fuji, Golden Delicious, Red Delicious and Gala. No drama there.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE TEN
Fortune knocks at every man’s door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her. Of course, craft beer expert Aaron Wayne heard the call. The Brew Five Three feel-good subplot of the day went to Aaron after Dick’s Brewing Co. hired him to be their new sales executive the day before the festival. Aaron was all smiles pouring Dick’s delicious Grapefruit IPA.
BREW FIVE THREE, INTERMISSION FOUR
Another montage of crowd shots …
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE ELEVEN
Things were going great. Then it happened — the substitution. I should have seen it coming. After all, Peaks and Pints “The Draft” newsletter random drawing winner Brian Heckard hadn’t acknowledge winning two free tickets to Brew Five Three. Flashback to Brian boarding a plane. Close-up of Brian contacting his good friend and beloved Tacoma illustrator, James Stowe. Jump cut to happy Stowe at Brew Five Three pondering the illustration he’ll be sending Brian.
BREW FIVE THREE, SCENE TWELVE
The crisis? When he is not planning for his upcoming stage musical or working on his Hollywood film, choreographer/director Brett Thompson is sales executive with Two Beers Brewing Co. and Seattle Cider Company. Today, at Brew Five Three, his beer was a tad foamy. A crisis is a shoot-out or a car chase to Brett, no foamy beer. Nothing pouring out of a pitcher couldn’t solve. Would an armed hold-up and some hostage-taking be too much to ask for? No crisis here, really, especially when Wonderland Trail IPA is on tap.
BREW FIVE THREE, CLOSING SHOTS
The climax, and least for me before heading to the Pacific Brewing & Malting Co. after party, occurred around 6 p.m. when some dude began tossing the cornhole bean bag 30 feet into the sky toward the whole. Shot the right way, and with the right music, it had the potential to be devastating. The kind of star turn actors go nuts for. Maybe even Oscar-worthy. The perfect button to go out on! Pull back, camera walks down Broadway street, disappears into traffic. Music swells! Fade to black! Roll credits! And what a terrific setup for the sequel!
Thanks, again, Broadway Center for considering my application, and providing a most fun Brew Five Three craft beer and cider festival. Let’s schedule an interview at your earliest convenience.
BREW FIVE THREE, OUTTAKE
“Well boys, what should we do with ol’ Pappi?”
“I don’t know Bethany. Should we call his wife?”
“Good idea, Greer. Or, maybe let him rest so he’ll stop taking freakin’ photos of us.”